Tips For Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
Writing your own wedding vows is one of the most meaningful things you can do when planning your ceremony. It’s a rare chance to put all the messy, magical, beautiful parts of your relationship into words and speak them out loud to the person you’re choosing, surrounded by the people who matter most.
As a Scottish celebrant, I’ve worked with couples all over Scotland from Glasgow to the Highlands, Loch Lomond to Edinburgh, and I’ve seen how powerful writing your own wedding vows can be in making a ceremony truly unforgettable. It’s emotional, it’s personal, it’s often a bit nerve-wracking, but it’s also unforgettable.
So how do you actually go about writing vows that feel true to you? That sound like your voice, not someone else’s? That hit the right mix of funny, serious, romantic, and real?
Fans of the TV show Friends will remember the scene where Monica and Chandler struggle to write their own vows, but we know they end up finding just the right words for them. But they had a whole lot of stress first, and I often find my couples find themselves feeling similar to the Bings! So let’s talk about writing your wedding vows in a way that minimises the stress and maximises their impact!
Why Writing Your Own Wedding Vows Is Worth It
When you speak your own words, you’re doing more than just saying “I do.” You’re sharing your story. You’re making promises that reflect your values and your relationship.
This is exactly why writing your own wedding vows can be one of the most emotionally powerful moments of the day.
You’re giving your guests a glimpse of the love you’ve built, the quiet bits, the in-jokes, the stuff that matters most to you both.
Vows don’t have to be long. They don’t need to be poetic or formal. The best ones are honest. A few heartfelt sentences can land harder than a full page of flowery words. And when you speak them with real feeling, in your own way, they carry all the weight they need to.
Of course its OK if you chose to follow a script and not personalise your vows, that has worked for couples for decades and it will continue to do so, I’ve even known couple to get straight down to the I do’s and skip the vows altogether, but this post is for those who want a little bit of help writing personalised vows.
Getting started (even when you have no idea what to say)
Getting started with writing your own wedding vows can feel daunting, staring at a blank page is often the hardest part. But you don’t have to start with the “I promise…” lines. Start with the good stuff, the memories, the moments, the reasons you fell in love.
Here are a few ideas to help you get going:
- Think back to the beginning. Where did it all start? What first made you laugh? When did you know this was it?
- Talk about what they mean to you. What makes your partner so easy to love (or maybe not always easy, but definitely worth it)? What makes life better with them in it?
- Look at the day-to-day. The little things often say the most: cups of tea in bed, patience during stressful times, the way they always know how to make you laugh.
- Think ahead. What are you promising? Not just the big life goals, but the everyday stuff, too. Will you always make the first coffee? Be their biggest cheerleader? Hold their hand, no matter what?
You don’t need to say everything. Just choose a few things that feel true and say them clearly.
As you continue writing your own wedding vows, consider the tone you want to set.
Finding the right tone (it doesn’t need to be serious all the way through)
There is no one right tone when it comes to wedding vows, they can be whatever you need them to be. Often people think their wedding vows can only be sincere, romantic or even sombre, but they can of course also be fun and lighthearted as well. Any of these tones is appropriate as long as its right for who you are as a couple and as long as it feels good to you
You absolutely can make people laugh with your vows. In fact, a little humour often brings some relief on the day — especially if the emotions are running high. Just keep the balance. If you’re naturally funny together, show that. But make space for the deeper stuff too.
Think of it like a really good toast. There’s room for a story, a smile, a few tears, and one or two lines that land right in the heart. Don’t worry about trying to impress anyone. This isn’t for a crowd. It’s for the two of you.
Do we need to match each other’s Wedding vows?
When writing your own wedding vows, it helps to agree on a general tone so that they feel balanced and connected. It’s a good idea to check you’re on the same page in terms of tone and length. It can feel a bit odd if one person writes a short, funny paragraph and the other reads a full page of heartfelt poetry.
Some couples choose to write their vows together, or share a rough outline in advance. Others keep them private until the ceremony and trust that they’ll naturally complement each other. Either way, I always suggest aiming for around the same length and keeping the energy similar, whether it’s romantic, light, or a mix of both.
How long should our wedding vows be?
There’s no rule. But I usually say one to two minutes when spoken aloud is a sweet spot — long enough to say something meaningful, short enough to hold everyone’s attention. That’s about 150–250 words.
If you’re both writing them separately, read yours aloud to check the timing. It’s also a good way to hear how it flows — sometimes what looks fine on paper doesn’t quite sound like you until you say it out loud.
Once you’ve written them, print or handwrite a clean copy to bring on the day. You don’t want to be fumbling with your phone or a crumpled bit of paper. Some couples get theirs printed on keepsake cards or tucked into a vow booklet — a small detail that can feel really special.
If you’re feeling nervous, that’s normal. Saying your vows is a big moment, but you’re not alone.
As a wedding celebrant I always guide my couples through the ceremony, help you feel calm and grounded, and make sure the space feels safe for whatever shows up: laughter, tears, or both. That’s for your wedding vows and the rest of the ceremony! Any wedding celebrant should do the same
Let’s make your ceremony unforgettable
If you’re planning a wedding in Scotland and want a wedding celebrant to help you not only with writing your own wedding vows but with creating a personal, meaningful ceremony from start to finish. then I’d love to be part of it.
From writing your wedding vows to shaping the whole ceremony around your story, I’m here to help you feel supported every step of the way.
I’m based in Glasgow, but I work with couples all across Scotland — from Edinburgh to the Highlands. Let’s chat about how we can create a ceremony that feels like home.